The world is full of people that love to hate. This is a sad fact, but it remains true, and sometimes the hate will spill over into your life. In the video above, I talk about how I deal with hateful comments, both in real life and online.
People are going to try to discourage you
In fact, I believe the more successful your or your platform becomes, the more people will hate on you. There are probably lots of reasons for this – people will be jealous of you, they will feel insecure about themselves, and sometimes people will just genuinely disagree with what you’re doing or what you stand for (and they may actually have a point). Regardless of the reason, we need to know how to deal with hateful and discouraging comments.
Don’t let just anyone speak into your life
This is a powerful, and I believe life-changing philosophy. I think it’s important to have a small group of people – a circle – that speak into your life, and for the vast majority of those outside that circle – just ignore them. There are a few caveats to this line of thinking, though…
- Your ‘circle’ of people needs to have the freedom to communicate both your strengths and your weaknesses.
- They need to be made up of people that you have a personal relationship with, although I think it’s good to listen to outside sources as well.
- They need to earn the right to speak into your life.
- They need to be an expert or have authority in the field.
- If they point out weaknesses or areas where you need to improve, they should either help you improve themselves, or try to point you toward resources that do.
So begin creating a circle of people who will help you. This doesn’t have to be a formal thing where you inform somebody, “You are in my circle of people who can tell me when I’m good/bad at something”. Rather, just formulate a list of people that, when they tell you that you’re either good or bad at something, you listen to them and take action.
Online
Brad Paisley has a song called “I’m So Much Cooler Online”. If you don’t know it, you should listen to it. The basic idea is that anyone can be whoever they want behind a keyboard. People will say all kinds of horrible things to you online – and again, the bigger your influence, the more hate you’re going to get. This concept if ignoring everyone except those who have earned the right to speak into your life is even more important when it comes to the Internet. The bottom line is this: when it comes to online comments, everyone is an expert, and everyone believes they should tell you what to do and how to do it. Just ignore most of it.
Pay attention to trends
This whole concept does not exist so people can bury their heads in the sand and believe that they are amazing. On the contrary – hopefully your circle of people will be comfortable enough to tell you where you need to improve, and even when you might need to change a course of action and move on to something else. But when it comes to comments from people outside your circle, pay attention to trends.
If you constantly hear people say something like your vocals are pitchy, you should probably pay attention and see if there is something really there. Maybe you could benefit from some voice lessons. It’s important to pay attention to trends that you see over and over.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, it is your responsibility to push yourself to be as good as you can be. The difficult part is understanding your potential and then doing what it takes to realize your potential.
Hi Brian
I have watched several hours of your tutorials as well as music videos uploads and there is one common factor …. You just keep getting better, your guitar playing is very good and has been strong from the start, vocally it seemed you struggled at first but your improvement has been remarkable… I have only recently been checking your tutorials out , so when I viewed older uploads I was shocked how much your singing has improved, my personal favourite is the “Jesus loves me” you did by Chris Tomlin…
You rock man, you are so real….
Never stop, you have inspired me to start playing again… Thanks man
Francois
South Africa
Brian,
I love what you do, I use all of your pads, and now my daughter is leading worship at a church where she attends college and she is using them too. I loved this segment, and it inspired my message for this Sunday that I’m calling “Shake it Off”. Along those same lines as what you were addressing in the video. Great to see another “Wesleyan” worship leader doing great things and pouring into others. Keep it up and I love what you do, and you are VERY gifted. God Bless, Pastor Tom
SHAKE IT OFF!! Thanks Tom! I hope the message went well!
Thanks so much Francois! This comment is extremely encouraging to me. I really do make it a point in my life to try to always improve and get better. I’m glad it’s not going unnoticed 🙂
One of my favorite sayings is “You can identify a tree by the fruit it bares”. Negative criticism is an example of a tree unable to bare good fruit. Pray for these people for they desperately need to escape from whatever is influencing them and use their gifts in a way that can help lift others up. In doing so, I believe they will also be lifted up. Encouragement and constructive criticism has tremendous potential for the promotion of baring good fruit.
Bob
Good word, Bob!
Hey Brian!
I am a pastor but I also have a para-church evangelistic ministry. I have always wanted to be able to play guitar and sing worship songs as an aspect of my ministry when I go out to minister especially. So I started learning how to play. And then I came across your website that has added the missing ingredient… Learning how to play specific worship songs!!! I truly believe this was an answer to prayer because I prayed about it! So I have been taking lessons from you off your website and am so excited and appreciative of you supplying this to someone like me. It is a blessing, and I am learning! I am working on “Jesus Paid It All” right now. So thank you for doing this and know that as it blesses me, I will then use it for ministry, which will in turn will bless others! Keep up the great ministry work for His Kingdom.
Thanks Brad – very encouraging!
Brian,
I don’t know you personally, but I can tell you really care about the sucess of others. I wish there were more of you or easier to find. I asked to be mentor by someone and got burnt. I am 43 years old and am strong person musically and spiritually. I am a gifted singer and have suffered from the negative of that. When you are gifted no one thinks you need a mentor. They couldn’t be more wrong. I am suffering right now from a person that told me that I wasn’t strong enough and that I was too weak to be worship leader and then denied ever telling me that I was weak or not strong enough. This has made me want to give up. All I want is for someone to tell me whats wrong with me and stay with me until I transform. I just wish I had someone to take interest. I just don’t understand. there are lots of people in the world that tell people what is wrong with them all the time and I can’t find a single one.
Hey Tommy, sounds like you’ve been going through some rough stuff man. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a mentor just dip out on you and leave you hanging. I just want to give you an encouraging thumbs up, by saying, “don’t give up”. It may be slightly generic, and over used, but I believe God has purpose in your life, just like he has for everyone. And it is important for you to know, that you are special to him and an important part of the building up of his kingdom. Be in prayer Tommy, dig deep in his word, and God will guide you to what you truly need. He will give you the next step. Who knows where that may take you! Stay blessed brother
Thanks man!
Hi Tommy,
I’m sorry to hear your story with your mentor – that has to be painful. Keep searching and praying – I believe God will put someone in your path. Be encouraged!
Dear Brian, my name is Terry from Illinois and have been playing acoustic guitar in worship for about 5 years. I’m a intermediate to advanced player with a weaker singing voice. I have incorporated a much better vocalist to assist me in leading worship. Neither of us have any real music background; i.e. vocal or music lessons, training or professional instruction of any kind other than watching youtube videos of you and other Christian artists. I have improved vastly over the years both vocally and acoustically by sticking to the formula of finding songs in my range of ability and vocal range. We can do over 100 worship+praise songs and we love the Lord and commit everything to His praise. I tell you all this because you have been an huge encouragement for me and I started after watching several of your early videos. I have heard plenty of criticism and some nice encouragement along the way. By the way I’m 62 and have been playing for over 30 years but I do it for the Lord first and then for the congregation. Thank you so very much and I look forward to all your releases of new songs. God bless you and your staff in your dedication to your ministry. In Jesus name!
Thank you Terry! This is very encouraging!
Brian, I really appreciate your “Haters” segment. There is so much life management food there. Jesus even told the disciples that not all would receive them and I use that scripture and do exactly what he directed the disciples to. Kick the dust off your sandals at their door step and move on. Powerful word, even today 2000 plus years later. Keep up the work of God. Thanks again, your words and music encourage me each and everyday. God Bless and Keep you and your circle.
Thanks Floyd! I hadn’t made that connection about when Jesus sent his disciples out, but it’s so true. Kick off the dust and move on.
Hi Blessings
I love what you do, somehow one day iwas serxhinf youtube and i saw ome of your tutorials amd let me tell you i never play guitar in my life mdmim 49 now lol.
So gess what, I purchased two guitars ome acoustic and and electric one Shecter Diamond series and thanks to you im playing guitar.
Blessings
Thanks Emilio – I appreciate it!
Thank you so much for all you do, since you have been posting your WT videos I have learned so much, thank you so much for sharing with us all this video cause i’m going through a hard season where I poured into a ministry for a year and I was banned because of false accusations I was the worship leader in that ministry I have been hurting for a month and I havent touched my guitar since. But thank you for this video I very much needed this.
Thank you for sharing, David! I believe that the truth will come to light – just stay close to God and keep seeking him.
Good advice, shows maturity this is such good advice for beginning worship leaders and team members. Well done! I wish I had seen this years ago it may have saved me. Sometimes our lessons through life are there because we can grow through them. Thank you for your great resource that you have done for everyone. God bless you.
Thank you, David.
Good comments, Keep on the great work! I’ve only saw a few videos from you and I found them quite inspiring. If you can make me want to pick up my guitar and want to play that song you met your goal. Your singing and playing is pleasing to listen to so I really don’t know how someone could leave you bad comments.
Thanks Pierre – ha just search the YouTube videos – people find all kinds of things to complain about… 🙂
Thank you Brian for the Worship Tutorials.
I play the ukulele and I am currently practicing with our Church Worship Team. I hope to some day play with the team during
our worship service.
Hi JD – I’d love to have a Uke player in the band!
My husband, Ron and I lead worship in our small town in North Dakota. Having access to your training and not having to drive miles to get it, is wonderful. We have learned lots from you. Yes we have had some negative nellie’s but realize not everyone is on the same page when it comes to worship. We love the Lord and seek to do his will- sing – worship and live for Him. We have many encourage us as well -especially since we started listening and learning from your teachings. Thank you very much.
Catherine.
Thank you so much, Catherine!
Hey Brian,
I feel sorry about you living these sad but real “haters” events.
Just want a tell you not to forget the “usefullness” of what you’ve been doing. The good point with “usefullness” is that nobody can criticize it! 😉
What you’ve been doing is relevant, helpful and usefull to a lot of people! Never forget it!
All the best BRO,
Dino
Thanks Dino! Like I said in the video – the positive comments and response far outweighs the negative. I appreciate it!
Brian, you do an amazing job and I am grateful for your ministry! Thanks for sharing your talent and helping others develop theirs! God bless.
Brian,
I have played guitar for years, typical head banging garage stuff in high school to now for the last two years in church. You have been a tremendous help to me. Living in a small rural community resources are scarce. I have learned so many songs by watching your tut’s and now lead our church into worship with them. I am now taking vocal lessons and working to grow into what I feel called to do which is lead worship. I pray Gods blessings on you as you continue to grow in your ministry. Great attitude about the haters.
SteveO
Thanks so much, Steve!
Brian,
Thanks for all you do. Appreciate your tutorials and the info and advice you pass on. Unfortunately, there will always people, for one reason or another, that want to be critical and sometimes hurtful. Sounds like you’ve learned to handle it well and are kind enough to advise those who may not be handling it so well. Keep on with what you are doing and know we are watching, listening and you are appreciated.
Your brother in Christ, Greg
Thank you so much, Greg!
Brian
Thank you so much for the tutorials Thank to you I’m playing my guitar again. We have a girls club in the trailer park and we praise and teach the Word I can take my guitar with me and lead worship in a simple way. And with your teaching you’re part of that. You’re touching so many lives. Keep The good work its for The King and His kingdom
God Bless. Annette. Nashville Tn
Thank you Annette – very encouraging!
The Holy Spirit led me here today! I love what you said
about people having to earn the right to speak into your life.
I have a lot to share.
Thank you Lynda!
Hi Brian,
Just wanted to let you know that Worship Tutorial Pads are being used all the way in Shanghai, China! I am on staff as the Worship Director at a large International Church for expatriates here in the heart of Shanghai and have really been impressed with these Pads.
We’ve been using them for the past few months and they have really freed up and made our sound much stronger, especially because we have such a transient congregation where you are lucky to have a person on the worship team stay longer than 1 year. Its really helped the most on weekends where we are strapped for players and have to go it sans Bass or keys.
Anyhow, just wanted to encourage you guys and let you know how far these Pads are reaching!
Be Strong and Courageous,
Josh X
Thanks Josh! That’s awesome – I’d love to hear more about what God is doing in your church.
Brian, you are such a inspiration. In the words of Hillson United, “Music invades the soul without asking permission”. Keep going and working your craft. It has far reaching positive effects to many people. As far as the haters, hating is like drinking a poision and hoping the target of the hate dies, or gets sick. May God always be you compass in you efforts.
Thank you Mark
Brian, I cannot tell you how much your videos have helped me. I am 64 years old. I played guitar MANY years ago – over 30!!! I was never accomplished. Recently, I bought my 17 year old granddaughter a guitar as her graduation present in May 2017 as she has picked it up, using a friend’s Dad’s guitar, who passed away a year ago. Through having her guitar here at home (I am breaking it in! LOL), I have been watching your videos and have learned to play several of the songs. It feels SO GOOD!!! Who knew that someone my age would pick up a guitar again to learn to play. Needless to say, I will be buying my own guitar again sometime this month (I sold the 3 I had several years ago with no intention of picking it up again). THANK YOU for your inspiration and you willingness to rework a song into an easy form to play. As I watched the video of Mighty to Save, I literally felt as if I was in a worship service. Beautiful! Keep on keeping on. Some of us really need someone like you to not only keep us inspired, but to teach us how to play. If there is any chance of you working up some good old fashioned hymns like I’ll Fly Away, In the Garden, The Old Rugged Cross, – you know the types – the good old hymns of the faith, and possibly some of the wonderful old southern gospel songs, I would be over the moon! God bless!
That’s awesome – thank you so much! I often talk to adults who have never played and sometimes I can tell that they’d like to but they feel like it’s something they should have picked up when they were younger. It’s never too late 🙂
Brian, I completely agree and relate with quiltmaker. I will turn 58 this year and played trumpet professionally for awhile. One grandfather played electric guitar in church and my ‘other’ grandfather played piano professionally and toured and played Vaudeville. My dad liked to plunk on the guitar from time to time but in my youth I didn’t have the aspiration or the fingers to focus on it much. Over the last ten years or so however, I’ve focused on playing guitar and singing because its relaxing to me. Today I lead music for our small country church and I get so much satisfaction from this (and gratitude from genuine people). You do inspire me but I wish I was younger–my voice won’t be sticking around long I don’t think so I’ve got to use it now while I still can (I have an unusually high voice). Regardless, you have been an instrument that God has used to bless me, my family, my church, and the quality of my music–we age, but the music and the desire never really leave us Brian. I like the advice you give folks here regarding the ‘haters’ of the world and the best advice I can give anyone about these folks is that we simply pray for them–God has a plan and even one that they’re a part of! Maybe they’re inspiring us and they don’t even realize it, who knows. They have their reasons for ‘hating’ I guess and I suspect most have internal problems of their own that they have no use for so they seek out; they look for (prey on actually), those who appear as easy targets. So, I would suggest that those here who are being ridiculed by these folks; that you consider the source, where they might be in their walk with God, and perhaps allow the Holy Spirit the latitude He needs to use you as a tool to help the hater come to feel better about them-self (although preferably not at your expense); telling them you’re praying for them turns the tables instantly I find. What can a Christian say poorly about a person who has just told them that they’re praying for them? For those ‘dishing it out,’ I would suggest you find another line of work–the one you’re in isn’t that popular and the pay you’re going to get some day is going to be lousy! Remember too, that Brian provides a Christian service that presumably Christians are here to take advantage of; and that’s a good thing. God Bless You Brian.
Thanks Russell 🙂
Like the previous blogger, I too would like to see a ‘series’ of tunes on classic gospel hymns. Many churches (especially the on the smallish-side), would pay good money I suspect, for multiple ‘sets’ of hymn split-tracks with chord charts. You might even consider pulling these right from your church hymnal. Just a thought. Thanks again.
I’ve actually started doing some hymns – just simply arrangements that ring true to the song without any added choruses or bridges. More of that to come – I agree, they are powerful and very much have a place in any worship context, regardless of style.
I had another thought about this–and I believe the Holy Spirit has compelled me to write about it. I think that as visitors here on Brian’s site (presumably a musical crowd), we sometimes need to remember that this is about ‘Worship;” that is, Worship of God. We’re here trying to learn and glean information about how we can do that better. I think sometimes (especially in this wonderful age of technology), we can get caught up in the ‘performing’ and we might forget, really, who we’re performing for. Also, the technology has provided a means for some of us to express ourselves musically, who might not have been able to do so before. I’m concerned that maybe we’re getting so caught up in the electronics and the ‘fun’ we’re having, that we forget that our ‘mission’ according to Christ is to bring HIS MESSAGE to the corners of the earth; and when that is done, we can be expectant of His return for us. We also forget I think that we’re not attending church as we would a music concert lets say. And really, all this isn’t about ‘our’ entertainment or what we’re getting for our dollar–is it? No doubt, perhaps this is a subject for another site / another section of the website, etc. but, it certainly does line up with a ‘hating’ theme and this has in fact, affected us as musicians such that we are willing to ‘talk’ about it here; if on no other forum but the Internet (and praise God for this too). But this is about worshiping God and hopefully through His use of us, we bring others to the foot of the Cross just as we once were brought (whatever method God chose then). Now our performance is going to be ‘heard’ by people according to God’s Will–if He wants them to hear us in a certain way, we know as Christians that this will happen (remember Christ’s reference to those with ears who could hear and those who could not? Did he not suggest that we’re blessed because we DO hear?). So, if we’re nit-picking because Brian isn’t showing us the next best power chord, I feel in that light, we’re missing the whole point. Yes, this was an opportunity / a forum to speak about God–and I won’t apologize for using it. God gave us talents to use and if yours is musical, thank the Lord for that; but I would suggest we focus on why He gave it in the first place; for HIS GLORY–NOT OUR OWN.
Be the best that you can be whatever your talent may be, but please, don’t turn His Gift to you into a contest / a competition (at least not here). Please, I’m not getting holier-than-thou on anyone here, just that I think we might sometimes be biting the hand that’s feeding us. Thank you Brian.